Communication Technology

I wish that I could understand the thing that is two people falling for each other, the course of a relationship, the breaking point, and then the falling back into the sea of souls swimming around aimlessly discovering yourself discovering other people. Completely forgetting about that one other person out there looking for the next catch just like you are, who knows every detail about you like the back of their hand. And may for a long time. Why do people get together if they know its going to eventually end? For the off chance that it may not? You can't tell me everyone is a hopeless romantic. We are a rare bread. Its weird thats all it is. It used to bug me and really make me hold on to shit then I learnt to take it for what it was a few months back and now i just have a clear but slightly bitter perspective that keeps from trying to figure the whole thing out.

Two lives once so intertwined and then so far apart just living around each other constantly aware subconsciously or consciously of each others presence but not acknowledging it willingly. How poetic. And soulful. Thats some fucked up shit. I should be studying communication technology but I can't. All I can think about is going home and being with the people I love. And getting my car. And celebrating with my Ottawa people tomorrow night. And buying a huge bottle of goose. Everything else seems so lackluster that it comes across as completely irrelevant to even acknowledge. I remember when i wanted to kill myself. I thought, I would just do. Just do it and stop all these incessant thoughts that would sometimes chew me up inside and leave me with nothing. That was a phase. The phase when I realized that I had undoubtedly inherited my mother's genes. The ones that give you cancer. The surplus of estrogen that might as well be poison to your body and your social life for that matter. The stuff that makes you crazy.

I want the summer. I want to paint and work for Carleton and learn sign language and live in my un air conditioned house and be stuffy and live with J and H. And I want my bike path and I want to wear my short dresses and I want Babylon Sundays and I want to renew my Gallery membership. I loved the summer it was the worst and best time of my life. I learnt a lot about myself and thats really all I like to recall from it. The rest was pointless bullshit that yeah was memorable but also totally forgetable. I'm getting a BlackBerry and its depressing but I've given up on everything else. I'm sorry Android please forgive me.

I want sheep. This summer when J and H move in I am driving us all to a sheep farm. Decision made. I can't wait to be with my boys in two days. I just want a certain someones attention all over this. I know that sounds insanely conceded. But its much needed after this week. I hope you enjoy the amount of self pity in this. Waffle house.

Please for the love of God someone anyone find L a job I need my homeshit in Ottawa with me.